Woody Allen Quotes

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Woody Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician whose career spans over 50 years.

He worked as a comedy writer in the 1950s, writing jokes and scripts for television and publishing several books of short humour pieces. In the early 1960s, Allen began performing as a stand-up comic, emphasizing monologues rather than traditional jokes. As a comic, he developed the persona of an insecure, intellectual, fretful nebbish, which he insists is quite different from his real-life personality. In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Allen in fourth place on a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comics, while a UK survey ranked Allen as the third greatest comedian.

By the mid-1960s Allen was writing and directing films, first specializing in slapstick comedies before moving into dramatic material influenced by European art cinema during the 1970s. He is often identified as part of the New Hollywood wave of film-makers of the mid-1960s to late ’70s. Allen often stars in his films, typically in the persona he developed as a standup. Some best-known of his over 40 films are Annie Hall (1977), Manhattan (1979), Hannah and Her Sisters (1986), and Midnight in Paris (2011). Critic Roger Ebert described Allen as “a treasure of the cinema”. He is also the author of three books–Getting Even (1971),Without Feathers (1975), and Side Effects (1980).

Allen has been nominated 23 times and won four Academy Awards: three for Best Original Screenplay and one for Best Director (Annie Hall (1978). He has more screenwriting Academy Award nominations than any other writer. He has won nine British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) Awards. Allen performs regularly as a jazz clarinetist at small venues in Manhattan. In 2011, PBS televised the film biography, Woody Allen: A Documentary, on the American Masters TV series, covering biographies of actors and writers who have had a profound impact on the nation’s popular culture. Wikipedia

The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose      Without Feathers      Side Effects - Woody Allen      Getting Even - Woody Allen 

Without Feathers
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Here they are--some of the funniest tales and ruminations ever put into print, by one of the great comic minds of our time. From THE WHORE OF MENSA, to GOD (A Play), to NO KADDISH FOR WEINSTEIN, old and new Woody Allen fans will laugh themselves hysterical over these sp...
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Side Effects
$4.50 $7.99
A humor classic by one of the funniest writers today, SIDE EFFECTS is a treat for all those who know his work and those just discovering how gifted he is. Included here are such classics as REMEMBERING NEEDLEMAN, THE KUGELMASS EPISODE, a new sory called CONFESSIONS OF A...
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The Insanity Defense: The
$5.00 $17.00
Comprising the classic bestsellers Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects, this definitive collection of comic writings is from a man who needs no Introduction. Really–this book has no Introduction. The Insanity Defense reveals many sides of Woody Allen as h...
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Getting Even
$6.50 $13.95
The classic, with 316,000 copies sold to date....
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Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

— Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

— Woody Allen

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.

— Woody Allen

How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.

— Woody Allen

I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

— Woody Allen

I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy seated next to me.

— Woody Allen

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

— Woody Allen

If you don’t fail now and again, it’s a sign you’re playing it safe.

— Woody Allen

If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.

— Woody Allen

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

— Woody Allen

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

— Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

— Woody Allen

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

— Woody Allen