George Carlin Quotes

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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

— George Carlin

Always do whatever’s next.

— George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

— George Carlin

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

— George Carlin

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

— George Carlin

Hooray for most things!

— George Carlin

I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

— George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

— George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

— George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

— George Carlin

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

— George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

— George Carlin

Kilometres are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometres.

— George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

— George Carlin

Meow’ means ‘woof’ in cat.

— George Carlin

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

— George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

— George Carlin

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

— George Carlin

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

— George Carlin

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

— George Carlin